Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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