just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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