Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
