there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
