I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
