My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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