OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
