Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
