I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
