This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
