and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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