i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
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Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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