Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
