I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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