Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
