And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
