..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
