The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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