mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
