I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
