I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
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this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
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I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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