I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
