Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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