I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
