Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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