Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
