That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
