i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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