FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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