my vag is so smooth its legendary
i think i have two assholes
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
