As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
