these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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