she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
