It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
