it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
