Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
