I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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