there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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