u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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