but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
