I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I intend to get homeless drunk
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
