I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
