is your mom at the bar?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
