my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we have pet lesbian snakes
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
