im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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