the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You need Xanax blowdarts
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
