yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
