I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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