When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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