The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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