These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
