Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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