Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
