My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
