I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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