I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
