I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
