The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
