She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize