Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
