is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
