If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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