Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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