i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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