Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
