Three words: puerto rican gang bang
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
