from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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