Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize