Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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