Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
