Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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