I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
