They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
