is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
