So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
