just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
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did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
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I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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