I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
