I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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