No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
