someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
