I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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